10 things they don’t tell you about being pregnant

I’ve been reminiscing about pregnancy a lot over the past few days; I’m suffering from extreme broodiness at the moment, so I’ve been trying to remind myself what it was actually like, not just the happy “baby moving in my belly” fun. Here we go: 

1. Hairy belly. From about 12 weeks my tummy started to get really hairy. I was so embarrassed by my hairy belly that I actually apologised to every health professional who examined me during my pregnancy. 

2. “Morning” sickness. More like an all day hangover, without the fun of drinking the night before. Bleurgh.

3. Public transport. You don’t get the good, priority seats on the bus until the bus driver has to lower the ramp to roll you on. Seriously. I had battles to the death (ok, maybe that’s a little extreme) for a seat with pretty, young things who could easily sit upstairs. I even bought a “baby on board” badge in an attempt to subtly hint that I might be pregnant, and therefore unable to haul my watermelon belly up the stairs. 

4. Sex drive. Ok chaps, every book, website, magazine, app I read about pregnancy told me that I would turn into a ravenous sex-mad fiend. I was advised that I’d be pulling my partner into random alleyways and toilet cubicles to feed my hormone driven sex addiction. Fun times, I thought, I’ll experience what it’s like to feel like a 15 year old boy, but I’ll actually get sex. And so I waited. And waited. And waited. But no rampant beast emerged, in fact I experienced the complete opposite. I didn’t want anything at all. I had no sex drive whatsoever. Ridiculous.

5. Degorillafying. One of my favourite things about being pregnant was the fact that my leg hair grew at an incredibly slow rate; I only had to shave once a week, if that! 

6. Rage. Pregnancy makes you so sensitive to everything; I found myself analysing every word that was said to me. I was aware this would happen, however, I did not expect the rage. I found myself getting worked up and angry over everything. For example, I had a huge rant on someones Facebook page because they said Shakespeare was only for posh, educated people and implied his work was rubbish. I don’t even really like Shakespeare (only to watch, as it was intended) but I really fought Shakespeare’s corner. It’s ok Shakey – I’ve got your back. 

7. Chemicals. Wham! Second trimester hits and I can taste the chemicals in everything. Yuck! This made me super healthy though – I lived off fruit, and made every meal from scratch.

8. Chewing gum. I had to stop chewing gum in the first few weeks of pregnancy because it let too much extra air into my stomach and gave me tummy ache. 

9. Pedicures. By the middle of the third trimester you can’t really reach your feet anymore, and the Other Half in your life learns a new skill: pedicures! Nick is actually really good at painting my nails. I’ll have to rent him out.  

10. Labour. You can do all the shaving, waxing, painting you like to try and make yourself look presentable for labour. However, in reality, when you’re bent over the bed, covered in sweat, blood and tears, screaming bloody murder with your hair resembling a rooks nest, you won’t care if your nails are pink, or if the midwife notices your well-kept lady garden. “JUST GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!” 
Hannah

16 Comments

  1. 19th April 2013 / 9:40 am

    I love the last one, I always said I’d have a pedicure, tan, shave etc put some makeup on..but in all honesty I didn’t do any of those.. Fiddling with my hair helped my pain so by the time rio was born I’d added greasy hair to the list. Its so worth it though 🙂

    • 19th April 2013 / 7:57 pm

      🙂 Completely worth it xx

  2. 19th April 2013 / 3:12 pm

    1 – tick
    2 – tick
    3 – tick
    4 – tick
    5 – not really noticed but will now be monitoring lol
    6 – tick
    7 – partial tick, although I can taste the bad stuff, I’m still craving macdonalds!
    8 – n/a
    9 – tick Well, getting there…can’t quite reach my toes!
    10 – great…yet more glamour to look forward to! (sarcasm)

    • 19th April 2013 / 7:59 pm

      Haha 🙂 It’s all worth it in the end. I know what you mean about McDonalds… in my third trimester I kept craving McD milkshakes – although wanted to throw it up as soon as I tasted them due to the chemicals. So gross! xx

  3. 19th April 2013 / 9:45 pm

    Very educational! Your blog has taught me a lot… Thankyou! Hope you and Bea are doing well, looking forward to meeting her one day. And to you being back at work! X

    • 19th April 2013 / 10:07 pm

      Thank you 🙂 I’m not looking forward to the being back at work part 😉 xx

  4. 20th April 2013 / 8:15 pm

    Haha point 4 never happened to me either think the OH was gutted hahaha.

    • 20th April 2013 / 9:29 pm

      Ha! I’m so glad I wasn’t alone – I even spoke to my dr about it as I was so worried that something was wrong ;P xx

  5. 26th April 2013 / 1:54 pm

    Mr Eeh Bah never got the hang of pedicures he attacked my toes like he was painting a wall. Great list although I think my pregnancy days are well and truly behind me now.

    • 26th April 2013 / 6:50 pm

      Haha amazing! It’s a life skill! xx

  6. 4th May 2013 / 3:35 pm

    Brilliant. Think i might do one too (and link back) to remind myself…i get broodie at the sight of someone’s bump let alone baby!!

    • 4th May 2013 / 3:39 pm

      I give pregnant ladies really goofy “oh I remember when I was preggers” smiles… Embarrassing!

      I’m glad you’ve enjoyed! I look forward to reading your post 🙂 xxx

  7. 15th June 2013 / 7:50 pm

    15 weeks and I can definitely relate to some of those and I look forward to the others!
    Amy

    • 15th June 2013 / 8:41 pm

      Congratulations!!! It’s truly amazing! Is this your first?
      xx

  8. 15th June 2013 / 7:50 pm

    15 weeks and I can definitely relate to some of those and I look forward to the others!
    Amy

  9. 12th May 2014 / 8:06 pm

    Haha a lot of these rang true for me. Also add not being able to haul yourself out of bed in third trimester and the profuse sweating. Gross!

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