On Owning a Toddler (12-16 months)

Owning a toddler is certainly an experience; you’ve just got used to having a baby and then *bam!* suddenly your Little Person hits a year, and they’re walking, talking and generally causing a lot of havoc.

Here are my discoveries about owning a toddler, from 12-16 months (to be continued for 17-24 months!):

1. Tantrums. I thought that toddler tantrums were supposed to start with the terrible twos? No one told me about the “Terrible 15 months”…

2. Moo! Invest in a dairy cow… for all of the whole milk your household will consume.

3. Chubbs. Find your maternity trousers again. You’ll soon realise that whole milk tastes much better than semi-skimmed, and you’ll need the extra room…

4. Reading. Be prepared to read We’re Going on a Bear Hunt 10 times in a row. With the same enthusiasm and gusto. Otherwise be prepared to face the wrath of a toddler tantrum (see above)…

5. Stains. Buy shares in stain remover companies. Stumble, trip, stumble, trip. I’m not just talking about We’re Going on a Bear Hunt… Grass, mud, salmon sandwiches.

6. Shoes. Now that your toddler is walking, they need a proper pair of fitted shoes. And they will cost far more than yours. In fact, you may have to sell a kidney to pay for them.

7. Toys. Wooden toys? Meh! All they want to do is play with cardboard boxes and your (dirty) socks. Oh, and drag the clean, wet washing all over the not-so clean carpet…

8. Yum? “But you ate that yesterday/last week/last month!” you sigh, exasperated, about every food your toddler has ever liked previously. Cue a wander over to the cupboard for another Ella’s Kitchen pouch…

9. TV. Cbeebies? You might find that you enjoy it more than your toddler. (I love me some Balamory… It’s that dead look in their eyes that screams “I went to drama school for this” as they dance in front of a coloured house.)

10. Getting around. Leave the house two hours before you need to be anywhere. It will take you that long to walk there with all the stopping, starting, pointing and general stroking of drain covers (only the circular ones). Oh, and don’t even think about putting them back in the pushchair; see tantrums. 

11. Secret eaters. The only foods your toddler won’t refuse are chocolate and biscuits. The two combined are toddler paradise. You will find yourself stuffing chocolate biscuits into your mouth in the kitchen with the door shut, or behind a cupboard door… or underneath the table… or on the toilet…

12. Sleep. Just when you thought you had the routine cracked *bam!* you find yourself up in the night for the third night running… Sleepness nights aren’t just reserved for newborns; toddlers love a good 3am rave.


A slight edit to the Jerry Seinfeld quote.


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  1. 25th April 2014 / 8:03 pm

    Thanks for the heads up 🙂 if the next 6 months fly by anything like as fast as the first, I’ll need these words of wisdom before I know it! x

  2. 25th April 2014 / 10:56 pm

    It has been 7 years since I had a toddler in the house and your post has just reminded me of all the things I have coming again in just a few months time! Oh and yes I found 14-16 months old was when all of mine hit the major tantrum stage. #pocolo

  3. 26th April 2014 / 10:34 am

    So true – you just feel you’ve got the baby shizzle down, and it’s all change! I’d like to tell you it stays the same from now on…umm…#PoCoLo

  4. 26th April 2014 / 3:02 pm

    Oh this did make me laugh… Ever so slightly hysterically though, as M is fifteen months and clearly subscribes to all of the above. Still, my rendition of “We’re going on a bear hunt” is now so good I reckon I could give Michael Rosen a serious run for his money!

  5. 26th April 2014 / 3:57 pm

    Oh that’s hilarious, especially the secret biscuit eating – I’ve definitely done that a few times!

  6. 26th April 2014 / 4:27 pm

    So true! I wish Ive read this before I my preschooler became a toddler! I am nodding at every word. Funny how I can laugh now but when he is a toddler… I want to cry. #pocolo

  7. 27th April 2014 / 9:19 pm

    Lol, brilliant. They are hilarious, but blooming tiring too, and they do like to keep us on our toes… And yes I have eaten chocolate on the loo, to avoid being spotted by the eagle eyed toddler or two in my time… 🙂

  8. 28th April 2014 / 4:27 pm

    We are just two weeks shy of 12 months so have all this to look forward to! I think I have blocked this stage from memory with LP! x

  9. 1st May 2014 / 11:40 am

    Oh gosh! I remember all of this – particularly the 15 month old tantrums! Great post. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo 🙂 x

  10. 11th October 2014 / 9:53 pm

    This made me laugh. In this phase now with my little boy 🙂

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