Quietness and Anxiety

Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet recently. Wedding planning has seriously ramped up as we have less than 4 months to go (eek) and The Little Geekery Company is taking up a lot of my time! We’ve had a great first week – so thank you so much to everyone for your support and orders so far! Huge robot snogs to you all!

I haven’t really talked about this on the blog since my PND post back in December, but I’ve been suffering from really horrible anxiety issues for a while now. I find myself in tears over the silliest of things, I’ve been having scary, frantic dreams, some of which have resulted in panic attacks, and just a constant feeling of dread and a knot in my stomach that I can’t seem to loosen. It’s been a bit sucky, and I’ve been a complete mess at home with poor Nick having to deal with me in tears every day.

I’ve never really thought about anxiety being something that requires treatment before. I’ve always been a terrible worrier, so I’m quite used to a certain level of worrying, but I’m beginning to wonder whether a visit to the Doctor might be on the cards. I’ve always just thought I was a bit odd, a bit of a “Sheldon Cooper” personality, but after reading Dani’s post on Social Anxiety Disorder some of the symptoms really hit home.

While we were away in the Lakes I realised that I’ve become a little disillusioned with blogging; I’m not going to BritMums Live anymore due to a wedding, but in the back of mind I was starting to wonder whether I really wanted to go. I was looking forward to meeting more of my lovely blogging friends, but everything in the blogging world seems to be about working with brands and turning yourself into a brand these days, and it’s all a bit tiring really. I am so so so grateful for all of the fabulous things I am sent to review and I do love writing this blog, but why commercialise something that was started as a personal space? I think I need to find a happy balance with it all.

Gosh, this has turned into one of those “mind dump” posts, hasn’t it? Well, I guess I felt I owed you all an explanation for my quietness. I’d love to know what you love reading on here and what direction you think I should take the blog in. I’ll be moving over to self-hosted soon(ish) and having a blog redesign, so need some ideas!

I think I’ve had enough of a ramble!

Have a great rest of the week.

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  1. 28th May 2014 / 6:25 pm

    oh hannah, sorry to hear you’ve been fighting with the nasty A. As someone who often gets extremely unfunctioning bouts I completely empathise. I also have that feeling with social anxiety and the whole ‘pushing yourself to challenge whether its as bad as u think it will be’doesnt work for me-i just have to use my own strategies and remember the things that help me get back to my least anxious. Try not to be too hard on yourself, youve got a lot going om xxx

  2. 28th May 2014 / 7:00 pm

    I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this. Anxiety is such a difficult thing.

    I know what you mean about blogging. I’ve always been a “personal” blogger (since about 2006) and struggle a bit with the current trend that seems to place so much importance on branding and “reach”. It seems that some people validate the success of a blog not on the quality of the writing or even how much they enjoy it, but by how well known it is, and how many connections the blogger has. I often feel a bit inferior because my readership is tiny and I’ve never pursued any kind of sponsorship, but deep down I really think this is what blogging should be about at its core. I’m proud of my writing and my blog, amd have to remind myself that I don’t have to fit in to what others do, or the “industry” that has been created out of people sharing their thoughts and feelings online. I also feel that a blog that doesn’t primarily deal with a person’s own life and thoughts is really just a commercial website or review site. It’s a fine balance to strike.

    I hope that you don’t stop writing though – just be true to yourself!

  3. 28th May 2014 / 7:00 pm

    A doc appointment wouldn’t hurt. They might suggest a medication that can at least ease some of the feelings and help you a bit, or refer you for some counselling or both. Lifelong worrier here, ended up with some acute anxiety issues after some things in life just got too much last year. Therapy has helped and whilst I’m not on meds I would if I felt I truly was at that point. Hugs. Sounds like you’ve had a lot on your plate and I totally get how you feel.

  4. 28th May 2014 / 7:23 pm

    It may be a Idea to chat about your anxiety to your doctor – my sister suffers from anxiety and has had medication and counselling so there are options out there for support if you need it. I feel similar about blogging, I have always written my blog from a personal context, yes I’ve done a few reviews but have really wound that down now. I am not in it for the brands or the stats or even the money,

  5. 28th May 2014 / 8:25 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so sad and anxious 🙁 I love your blog because it’s so honest and colourful and has Busby in it! I hope you find some things which help to ease your anxiety- I have no doubt your loved ones will be there to support you with tea and hugs in a heartbeat xxx

  6. 28th May 2014 / 9:02 pm

    So sorry about your anxiety, I hope that it calms down in time and is something that you can manage. Completely see your point about blogging, everything, everywhere seems to be about making money, getting noticed by brands etc. I love the opportunities blogging has given me but I also love to keep doing my personal posts, documenting the kids’ childhoods and all that stuff that I started blogging for. Really sorry to not be meeting you at britmums Live though 🙁 x

  7. 29th May 2014 / 7:46 am

    I know what you mean about there sometimes being a pressure to be a brand, and that you haven’t ‘made it’ until you’re doing XYZ, but I think that there is more than enough space for those of us that write just because we want to. And yes it might mean that I don’t make it my full time job, but that’s OK too – there’s room for all of us, and I definitely think that there is an appreciation for blogs that are more than a ream of advertorials. At the risk of sounding a bit spammy – try the Blogtacular virtual conference, or even just Joy Cho’s talk which is going to be free, for a bit of inspiration about blogging – I was there for the real thing and it was amazing!

  8. 29th May 2014 / 8:37 am

    I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. It makes me admire you all the more for starting up your own company! I run my own business too so I know how much energy and enthusiasm it requires. I really hope Geekery does well and you get a sense of satisfaction from it.
    As for blogging, though I’m no expert I would say that if it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t come naturally, don’t force it. I sometimes wonder whether I should pour more time into creating and promoting the kind of “super-brand” blog you refer to, but it just isn’t me. It’s your little patch on ‘t interwebs, after all, so I don’t think you should feel pressured to take it into a direction that doesn’t suit you.

  9. 29th May 2014 / 10:37 am

    I agree with that Hannah. My blog is my personal record of our life and yes it’s lovely to be sent things to review but that’s not why I started and I’m sure Luca won’t care how fabulous a product was when he hopefully looks back on it in years to come. I love your blog and my favourite parts are definitely the things that allow me to get to know you and your family a little more. The little snippets of your life that you share are what keep me coming back. Hope you feel better very soon, anxiety is awful (been there done that) and I don’t think people realise just how debilitating it can be. Xx

  10. 29th May 2014 / 2:17 pm

    I feel for you, I am feeling the same right now and it’s hard. Big hugs and here if you ever want to talk xx

  11. 30th May 2014 / 10:14 am

    I could have written this post. I feel exactly the same, anxiety, feeling blue, worrying about everything and the tears. I also agree re branding and ratings. I love your blog and a few others because they are true to the writers. I dislike blogs where every post is sponsored or a review. I hope you feel better soon and the wedding planning should calm down soon before the last few crazy weeks before the best day of your life!! Hugs xxx

  12. 30th May 2014 / 3:21 pm

    Sorry that you have been feeling like this too, as much as I am looking forward to the wedding, I cannot wait for the stress of it all to stop as I am not sure quite how much more of the anxiety I can take-still loosing half a stone whilst still eating chocolate and cake is one plus side…! Thanks for mentioning my post also. Take care xxx

  13. 30th May 2014 / 10:04 pm

    Oh hun, I hope you are o.k. I think you just have to treat your blog as a tool to use how you want to. So if you don’t want to brand yourself, don’t. Use this space to document Busby’s childhood and anything else is a bonus IF you want it. People will always love your blog, because you are a great writer and have created a wonderful space, they don’t care where you are on a chart or how many brands you work with xxx

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