I’ve been feeling very anxious and sensitive this week; over-analysing everything that people are saying to me. I feel stupid. There have been tears. Many tears. I know it’s partly because I’m so exhausted still. Peppercorn is draining me of everything I have, which isn’t a lot with a feisty Toddler to also contend with (thank goodness for supportive Husband and family to help!). I know the hormones whizzing round don’t help with mental well-being, and I’m worried I might be slipping back underneath the dark cloud.
I’ve not really been craving much food or drink this week except M&S’s Watermelon and Coconut White Tea, which everyone seems to be craving because we haven’t been able to find it…! Weirdly I’ve been craving going swimming – and I’ve just bought myself a maternity tankini in the Next sale, so fingers crossed I’ll be able to find somewhere lovely to swim up here so I can go weekly.
On the subject of well-being, I’m going to start looking into local pregnancy yoga/positive birthing classes next week (once the madness of Christmas had passed) – I thought it would be a great way to meet some local Mamas, as well as mentally prepare myself to give birth for a second time. As I’ve said previously, this pregnancy and labour is all about me feeling in control, and I want to feel positive and not crazy-scared as I did last time around. That maybe a foolish wish, as I can’t really control how labour goes as so much can go wrong, but I’d like to be able to enter the experience feeling like I know how to do this… Does that make sense?
This week Peppercorn is the size of a lemon, and he’s developed facial expressions and may even be able to suck his thumb! I’m looking forward to our 20 week scan to find out whether he is a he, and to see whether he waves at us. Busby spent the 20 week scan being incredibly awkward, so we shall see!I’ve started producing a little bit of milk this week, which has surprised me lots, as I thought it was rather early! It gives me hope for being able to breastfeed the second time round. I felt like I missed out on the breastfeeding bond with Busby, and I’d love to be able to feed for longer this time.
At the end of 14 weeks I’ve had an incredibly random craving for Heinz tinned beef ravioli… I’ll be asking Peppercorn to explain that later in life!?! Oh, and I’ve felt baby fluttering, which is rather exciting!
And… most of all, I (just about) survived Christmas without copious amounts of gin, prosecco and unpasteurised cheese. I am, however, already looking forward to Christmas 2015…