Pregnant with a Peppercorn // 6 weeks pregnant
Monday 27th October 2014
Bleurgh. Bleurgh. Bleurgh!!! Is all I have to say…! The Pregnancy Hangover has really kicked in now. I feel utterly shocking. Completely drained. Exhaustingly exhausted.
I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt too; I’m so fed up with feeling like this (and am aware that I will be feeling like this for a good few weeks), but I know I should be happy. I should be grateful. It means everything is on track with the pregnancy. That my hCG levels are high enough. I should be grateful that I’m actually pregnant. So very quickly. Without months of peeing on a stick and crying over negative results. We have friends struggling to conceive. Friends who are spending thousands of pounds trying for a baby, and here’s me, complaining that I’m feeling sick. I feel so selfish. So totally, completely and utterly selfish. But I feel miserable, and I know it’s the hormones. The days of feeling listless and drained. The interrupted nights of sleep. The 6am Busby starts. No time to rest. Pregnancy is definitely harder the second time around with a toddler to contend with too.
Wednesday 29th October 2014
Today I discovered ginger tea, which is proving a godsend!
I’m finding myself dreading days when I have Busby for the whole day as I’m so drained and devoid of all energy. It’s such a horrible, guilty position to be in; my heart is screaming to spend time together as our days, just the two of us, are now numbered, but my head (and stomach) are shouting “rest”, “eat tons of carbs”, “no, you don’t have the energy to dance around the room with a cuddly toy!” It’s a tough place to be right now…
Talking of eating ALL the carbs; I ended up running from Churchill Square to one of our favourite Brighton eateries – Pompoko – after my three hour hair appointment yesterday! I was that desperate for gyoza dumplings and copious amounts of rice, that I found myself pushing and barging past a lot of people on the way down like a pregnant woman possessed (sorry!) and stood on the street, almost in tears as the minutes slowly ticked by, waiting for my takeaway delivery to come out. I’m not ashamed to say that this was my second lunch (after a not-so tasty M&S wrap) and I’m also not ashamed to say that, for the first time in my life, I urged the bus home to be late so I could stand and shovel tasty Japanese carbs into my mouth. It was good. Pleasurable-sounds escaping good…
I’d like to add that the bus wasn’t late, and the orgasmic sounds were made on the bus. The very busy bus.