Motherhood // We left the house! (A Poem)
It only took two hours
Lol, jokes, it really took four,
But I’m doing a merry jig,
As we’re almost out the door!
I’ve packed 500 nappies,
Some wipes and poo bags too,
The year supply of rice cakes,
Teething rings for him to chew.
Did I remember to pack,
A spare change of clothes for each?
Are the snacks in my bag,
Firmly out of the Toddler’s reach?
“Mummy, I’ve done a poo!”
One of the munchkins cries,
But I was so close to getting out the house,
Part of my mothering soul dies.
The littlest starts screaming,
I glance quickly at the clock,
“Is it feeding time already?!”
I exclaim in parental shock.
“Mummy, I don’t want socks on!”
“Mummy, no! Not those shoes!”
“Mummy, I don’t like that coat!”
Is lunchtime too early for booze?
I have changed both the nappies,
The baby has downed his milky bottle,
Now let’s attempt the shoes again,
And get out of the house full throttle.
The Toddler has hidden her socks somewhere,
The Baby is covered in sick,
I sob into a dirty muslin square;
It’s time for the bribery trick.
“Let’s put our shoes on,” I coax calmly,
“Let’s go outside, oh please!
I promise when we get back,
You can have a treat!” I tease.
“Chocolate?” says the Toddler.
“Chocolate!” I agree.
“Now find your shoes,” I ask again,
“I’m too tired for an adventure, Mummy!”
Head in hands, I despair,
Time for a cup of tea,
“Mummy, what are you doing?
I thought you wanted to leave quickly?”
A breakthrough! The coat and shoes,
Have finally made it on,
I’ve even put the Baby in his pram,
The task is nearly done!
Reaching for the doorknob,
I start to get us all outside,
Oh no! It’s our talkative neighbour,
“Back in the house! Hide!”
Phew, that was a close one,
We would have stood there for days,
Chatting and making small talk,
In my highly sleep deprived haze.
The coast is clear, and out we go,
The gang is out the home,
Dancing and fist-pumping in celebration,
It’s time for us to roam.
I phone the Husband: “We left the house!”
I sing a song of pride,
“Mummy, where’s my water cup?”
<Insert expletives.> Oh well, at least I tried.