Poem // “I see you haven’t lost the baby weight yet?!”
“How old is your baby?”
“One year old,” I reply,
“Oh gosh, I bet that year
Has really flown right by.”
“Yes!” I nod in agreement,
“I’m not sure where it’s gone!
It seems like only yesterday
This baby boy was born…”
She looks me up and down,
A frown upon her face,
A negative comment is coming,
I prepare myself and brace:
“So… I see you haven’t bothered
To lose the baby weight yet?”
Well, blow me over with a feather,
Did I stupidly forget?!
It probably slipped my mind,
Whilst awake all bloody night,
Feeding, rocking, trying not to cry,
Gripping my sanity with all my might.
Or maybe it was during the days,
I couldn’t leave our home?
Because all he did was scream;
You’d all stare if we went for a roam.
My mental health is in tatters,
Jigsaw pieces on the floor.
My anxiety frequently prevents me,
Leaving our own front door.
For the past 12 months I’ve struggled,
To keep myself afloat,
The last thing on my mind has been
My big ol’ tummy bloat.
Well, that’s a lie, the niggle has been there,
In the back of my mind,
Poking, jiggling, sobbing,
The thoughts have been unkind.
But eating has been the only way
To keep myself powering through,
I’ve had no energy for exercise;
Stagnant. A living statue.
Do you not think I don’t already feel,
Disgusting enough inside,
Without your awful comments,
The bitterness, the snide?
I try. I try. I try.
I want to be back to myself.
The collection of dresses in my wardrobe,
The skinny jeans on my shelf.
I want to scream this at the woman,
I turn to move nearer,
But then I realise it’s just me.
Standing in front of the mirror.