Motherhood // Third baby, or no third baby?

should we have a third babyI am being consumed by the overwhelming urge to procreate again.

For the final time.

And, for the past few months, I have internally debated with myself on a daily basis as to whether I truly want a third child.

Whether it would be the right decision for our family.

Whether I could mentally deal with the perinatal depression again. The increase in my anxiety again. The postnatal depression. Again.

Ever since I held Busby in my arms for the first time, I knew that I wanted more than two children. I could picture three little people running around. Causing havoc. Tucked up in our bed on a Sunday morning, reading The Tiger Who Came to Tea. Big family Christmases when they were older, with children of their own.

But H-Bear was such an exhausting baby with his reflux, his allergies and his hatred of sleep that I wonder whether I could actually do it again… And come out of the other side intact.

Then my ovaries and my heart start shouting over the sensible, practical dialogue in my head.

“PRO-CREATE!” they bellow.

And my mind becomes rose-tinted: remembering pregnancy, remembering H-Bear’s amazing birth, remembering the tiny fingers and toes.

I am reminded of what a chilled out baby Busby was. Of the newborn days with both, snuggled up in a baby bubble. Of the first smile, the first giggle, the first gabble.

But when would be the right time for a third? Do I want to do what I vowed I never would and be pregnant with a two year old again? And with the added fun of a four year old too?

Or should we wait until they’re both at school and then my days are more free to concentrate on a baby? But in that case the age gap is greater. The baby years are strung out for longer. And I sort of see my thirties (I turn 30 next year) as my time to get my business properly going, without having to stop and start to have a baby. My ‘Career Years’.

Is that selfish?

When head, heart, ovaries and husband align (it’s a rare occurrence) it is clear that a third child is on the cards. But I’m beginning to wonder whether there’s such a thing as an ideal age gap, an ideal time, an ideal month – or whether we should just take the proverbial plunge, throw caution to the wind, and surf the waves of pregnancy, motherhood and fatherhood one final time.

Hannah

Follow me:  Instagram // Twitter // Facebook // YouTube // Pinterest // BlogLovin’  

15 Comments

  1. 6th December 2016 / 9:07 am

    There’s never a perfect time or set of circumstances is there? I always wanted a big family but with me having turned 30, Phil turning 49 next year, my PND and basically not being the mum I wanted to be, plus wanting my time to have a career, we’re stopping at 2. Trust your instincts lovely xxx

  2. 6th December 2016 / 9:14 am

    I would have one sooner so the age gap is all the same, I think life is easier in the future as they are all a similar age. I would also want to get the baby years out of the way. It’s such a tough decision as everything is so much harder with three I think. I often find myself wondering the same thing. I think we will have 3 though xx

  3. 6th December 2016 / 10:10 am

    I’ve only ever wanted two children but even if I had wanted three having had two reflux babies and pretty much not had a full night’s sleep for almost 4 years now I don’t think I could do it again. Of course there’s the fact I’m much nearer to 40 than 30 too. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you and your family.

  4. 6th December 2016 / 12:26 pm

    I would love to have a third (at it would be my last) but at the moment I’m struggling with PCOS and a lack of periods (sorry TMI). I think we shouldn’t overthink it too much – if hubby is agreeing then I’d say go for it! x

  5. 6th December 2016 / 12:41 pm

    I really wanted to have a second child but then for many reasons we have decided to stop at one but I know that whatever situation is whether one, two or more….it seems we all seem to have that period when we wrangle over having another one. You’ve just got to do what’s right for you own situation at the end of the day so if it feels right go for it! x

  6. 6th December 2016 / 4:56 pm

    Haha I feel like I could have written this whole post down. I’ve been having the exact same thoughts lately. There’s never a right time to have one though is there so it’s best to just do it when you want rather than try and over think it. Easily said then done lol x

  7. 6th December 2016 / 5:24 pm

    I want a second child and feel that if we wait for the perfect timing (having enough money, career going) then we will never have one. I’m also 30 next year and can’t shut up the ‘pro – create’ voice. Hopefully next year we can start thinking about it properly.
    Reading your post it sounds like you have made up your mind for a 3rd how exciting for you! Age gaps no matter what size don’t really matter. There are 14 years between and my sister and my mum only has us. Good luck as it sounds like very exciting times are ahead.

    Jodie x
    http://www.wiganmum.com

  8. 6th December 2016 / 8:12 pm

    I used to always see myself having more than 2 children but it seemed that I didn’t cope with being pregnant too well and with only 16 months between my two girls things have been very hectic. For now, I have said to people I am stopping at 2 but secretly I am waiting to see how I feel in a couple of years time. I think if you feel you want another you should follow your gut. When that little bundle of joy comes along all those questions you had will be gone, and you will just enjoy living life, just a little bit busier.

  9. 6th December 2016 / 8:28 pm

    Different scenarios work better for some rather than others; all I keep hearing now my baby is almost one is that I should be looking to get pregnant again within the next year, rather than waiting a few years to start it all over again. I currently feel like I’d love a huge house full of kiddos, but I know financially I’ll really only be able to support two. I don’t think there’s an ideal time at all, just what works for you!

  10. 7th December 2016 / 1:08 pm

    I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong time to expand your brood. I would absolutely love a third, but having now separated from the boys’ father, it’s not something that’s on the cards! For you though, I would say that if circumstances allow, then you should totally go for it! xx

  11. 7th December 2016 / 2:40 pm

    We said at the beginning that we wanted three children. Then one came and reality hit. I did want one of each gender which we have now and that means we are done.

  12. 7th December 2016 / 4:28 pm

    There is never a perfect time, so you just have to go with what you want the most, or think when will you stop?! I have 3 and never thought I would want another one, but the twins are now 7yrs old and I would have loved just one more I think. But I have to be sensible!

  13. 7th December 2016 / 9:02 pm

    Mother Nature will make most of those decisions for you! I had three – then a ten year gap before having Pickle at 41. I am blessed and each and every one worked out perfectly. Good Luck! Kaz x

  14. 8th December 2016 / 3:42 pm

    I couldn’t do it again. I get the pangs. I pack away tiny clothes and I feel sad. I look at photos and remember. But I’ve found both of mine hard. I always wanted to be a mum but I’ve found it so horribly difficult and I worry constantly that really, I’m not good at it and I shouldn’t have done it. I feel I need to be selfish for a bit. Obviously I’d not neglect my children but I definitely need to start doing something for me, carve out a life that is more than mum. I’m getting bored and mad I think.

    Hats off to those with more than two I always think. Sometimes I look at them and it makes me feel bad about myself, like I’m a failure for finding two so hard. But who knows, every person and every situation is different. I’m a highly strung, critical and anxious person. I have two rather demanding full on kids. I have anxiety and had PND. It wasn’t a great combo.

    Age gap wise, there is no perfect one. I wish, if I were to do it again, that I’d had my two closer. I’ll have been a SAHM for 8 years by the time Felix gets to school. I’m rather fed up….

    Gosh, what a bore I sound! X

  15. 8th December 2016 / 11:18 pm

    I don’t think there is a perfect age gap. There are always reasons to have a baby and reasons not to have a baby. I personally would love more children. But I know practically it wouldn’t be a good idea. I also know that I can’t really risk my mental health or risk having another miscarriage. I think that you have to follow your heart, take a deep breath and maybe take the plunge. Hugs Lucy xxxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *