Motherhood // Is there ever a ‘right’ time?

is there ever a right time to have a baby?The third child. I’ve written about this previously, and it truly is a topic that occupies my mind on a daily basis.

When my children are (occasionally) playing together nicely, my heart sings, my ovaries beat, and a little voice pops up saying: “Imagine this with three! Go on!”

When my children are arguing (which is much more frequent), my mind wanders off into a land where three children argue with a completely different dynamic: there is a mediator in the trio. It is not as intense as it is with two.

We want a third. It’s just when?!

I love the two-and-a-half year age gap… now. Initially it was hard, but recently it’s a wonderful thing to watch. So ideally, I don’t want to wait too much longer as Busby will be five in December, and H-Bear is two in June.

However, at the moment I feel more mentally balanced than I have done in possibly over 17 years. I have blip days, but on the whole I feel pretty level.

I also feel like I’m getting some of my freedom back. Mentally, it doesn’t require the same amount of effort to leave the house as it did six months ago.

In terms of my literal freedom, my in-laws have the children once a week so I can work. And we’re looking into nurseries for H-Bear for another day a week. This will give me time to get on with more work AND finally launch my photography business, which I’m currently working away at when I get a spare ten minutes (so never).

I have to admit that being pregnant again and the post-natal period, with those hormones that send me loopy, scares me. The unknown element of “will I go near the edge again?” is terrifying.

Then there’s the sleeplessness.

Oh, and the all-consuming fear that we might have another baby who suffers from reflux and/or allergies. The screaming. The crying. The months hiding myself away because I’m too scared to face a negative comment about my baby that won’t settle.

But, and this is a big ‘but’, the circumstances would be different this time.

Busby starts primary school in September, so I would have to leave the house five days a week to get her. And this routine to our day would help with my anxiety immensely. As would the fresh air.

This would be the third child – and apparently the transition from two to three is much easier than one to two. (So I hear!)

Again, this would be the third child, so it would have to adapt to our routine, rather than us adapting to it as we did with both Busby and H-Bear.

I didn’t suffer from perinatal depression with Busby, so it’s possible that it was reactive due to the big relocation when I suffered with H-Bear.

If the baby did suffer from reflux and/or allergies we’d know what to look for this time round, so the diagnostic period wouldn’t be so prolonged.

I think I know I am overthinking this. I once told my best friend that there is never a ‘right’ time to have a baby, and if you wait for the right time, it may never arise… Perhaps I should take my own advice? After all, you never regret that babies you had – just the babies you didn’t.

Hannah

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7 Comments

  1. 28th February 2017 / 9:37 am

    I’m starting to feel like this now. Financially etc it’s not the right time for us for another but we’ve already waited longer than we wanted to. There is so much I still want to do and I know there will always be other obstacles that stand in our way. So maybe there never will be a right time and we should just get on with it.

  2. 28th February 2017 / 2:43 pm

    This is me! All over. Although I’m now thinking I might just stick with two. I’d LOVE three but I now have my own business and life is calmer than it has been for a long time. Always thought I would have three but I now think my two are pretty perfect. Thank you for articulating. x

  3. 28th February 2017 / 6:52 pm

    This is basically us right now. I have days where I dream of a third, a final baby to complete our family. And then I have days where I can’t even cope with my two… and I still want another . We’re moving to a house, and have just got a car that can fit 3 car seats.. so I think it’s more a case of deciding when now xx

  4. 28th February 2017 / 8:51 pm

    Wow this is exactly me! First baby awful pregnancy and birth followed by pnd and anxiety which is still a thing. Youngest is 3 in July and I almost feel it’s too late as we are getting used to it being a little easier. My worries are exactly the same as yours and I feel terrified of having a repeat of those early days again along with two squabbling children! I think if hubby wanted one now I probably would so that helps as he is obviously a pretty major part in the whole thing lol. Sounds like a perfect time for u though and exactly you would never regret having one. My biggest worry is regretting not having a third and it being too late for us age wise but that’s not a good reason to have one right now xx

  5. 28th February 2017 / 9:32 pm

    We just didn’t stop it happening if you know what I mean. I suppose we must have been trying because I did feel
    Sad in the months I didn’t get pregnant. I just knew G wasn’t our last. I had to get this urge out of my system. I sometimes think I might be one of those people who won’t ever be done but I am older and I am sure this is my last one now. Ask me again in a month or 2 but I know 3 is the magic number for us and if you just can’t stem you ovaries aching, I think you might just have to give in. Babies will fit round you. Plus with number 3, you won’t have time to worry 😉
    Plus you have the cutest children xx

  6. 1st March 2017 / 7:03 pm

    i am having lots of these thoughts about being torn about a second, so it helps to see someone share them, and have them written out in front of me. I suppose I can respond to your concerns as I would to a friend, and in doing that address some of my own concerns-if that makes sense?
    I agree there’s no such thing as a right time, and certainly such a thing as over analysis.
    Hopefully this will make you smile: i read someone say once:
    what’s it like to have a fourth child?
    It’s like you’re treading water in the ocean, and then someone throws you a baby .
    Makes me chuckle every time

  7. 2nd March 2017 / 9:49 am

    My pregnancy with Elowen was horrendous (for the most part) – I had prenatal depression, terrible SPD and just found it generally harder to cope with being pregnant and looking after a two year old. I had hoped that when she was born I’d feel ‘done’. But I don’t. I think, deep down, I’d love a third child. It’s not going to happen though, the husband wants to stop at two and we’ve just bought a house which would be far too small for a family of 5. Instead I’m planning to enjoy E as much as I can whilst she’s still so small and then throw myself into a new career. 🙂

    If/when you have a third I will have to live vicariously through you! 😉

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