Ranty Friday: First comes love…

“I’m pregnant!” I exclaimed excitedly to my friend down the phone. 
“Oh. So when are you getting married?” was the reply. 
Yup. I know. I was shocked by the response. Pretty peed off by the response if I’m completely honest. It was 2012, not 1912. 

I’m aware it wasn’t just one person who felt like this; I noticed the uncomfortableness in a number of friends. The slightly disapproving looks when I discussed my pregnancy or rubbed my growing bump. I was aware of the texts that were sent backwards and forwards behind my back: “OMG! Hannah’s pregnant!” “I know! And they’re not even getting married first!”. Shock. Horror. I expected this kind of behaviour from my grandparents, but we’re in our mid-twenties… in the 21st Century, living in a society where Apple seems to be the most followed and practised religion! Do the Apple Geniuses teach that having a child out of wedlock is immoral? No, I didn’t think so.

Yes, I would’ve preferred to be married before starting a family; but this is more because I didn’t want children at our wedding (and now I can’t really ban them) rather than anything else. Busby was a very welcome surprise, and although we briefly discussed the idea of a shotgun wedding, there were too many reasons why not to: I didn’t fancy rocking up the aisle in an empire-line gown and huge bump, for one. I want to drink at my wedding! I want to eat smoked salmon and paté! I don’t want to look like I’ve eaten the whole five-tiered cake, and polished it off with a wheel of brie!

We’re engaged now – and don’t get me wrong – I can’t wait to marry Nick. But we’re not getting married because we’ve had a baby, just as he didn’t propose to me because I was pregnant. We’re getting married because we love each other, because we want to spend the rest of our lives together. The proposal would have happened even if we hadn’t had Little Miss Busby on the way. 


Oh well, I’ve never been one to conform. I’m in a loving, and extremely happy relationship, we have a gorgeous, healthy little baby girl; there’s not much else I could wish for really! Except for maybe a horse…and a Pacapod…and a lottery win?!
ps I would just like to add that this post does not apply to those with actual religious beliefs. The large majority of my friends and family are not religious in anyway – unless the religion is Apple (see above). 

Mummy Barrow’s Ranty Friday

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  1. 10th May 2013 / 9:49 am

    I dont understand why people still see marriage as such a huge commitment. It really isn’t. Having a baby together is a life long commitment, surely?

    People often asked when Mr B and I were getting married (second time round for us so we didnt get the baby questions). We already had a joint mortgage. Surely that is huge commitment to each other and a sign that you are planning to be together for a very long time?

    Britney Spears was married for 24 hours and one of the Kardasians for about five minutes. Marriage is not the commitment that many think it to be.

    Well not in my eyes anyway.

    Dont get me wrong, I am not anti marriage. I think it is wonderful. But I think it more wonderful that you love each other enough to create another life.

    • 10th May 2013 / 12:34 pm

      Exactly! I can’t wait to get married, but I wasn’t going to have a shotgun wedding just because I was pregnant! xx

  2. 10th May 2013 / 10:17 am

    Just shows how people are stuck with the ‘old ways’

    Marriage doesn’t mean the same now as it did back then.

    My Mum wasn’t married when she had me, Matt’s Mum wasn’t married when she had him and Matt and I were not married when we had Cameron.

    Agree with your post, I would have been mighty peed off as well.

    • 10th May 2013 / 12:37 pm

      Haha thank you – I was very annoyed! It’s been almost a year since that conversation and it still irritates me.

      In someways I do think it’s sad that marriage doesn’t mean the same now as it used to – but with that in mind I’m glad we didn’t feel forced into a shotgun marriage xx

  3. 10th May 2013 / 12:22 pm

    A mortgage is harder to get out of than a marriage these days!!
    Have to say I had three children unmarried and I adored having them at our wedding. We just need to re-new our vows now so the other three can join in lol!!

    • 10th May 2013 / 12:38 pm

      Oh wow! You have 6 children??!

      Re mortgage – too true! xx

  4. 10th May 2013 / 3:26 pm

    This really annoyed the hell out of me too…think these ranty friday posts have made me growly today!
    In this day and age why would anyone ask such a question?When my friend announced her pregnancy someone said ”Oh I didnt know you were married” My friend answered ”Im not.” and the tumble-weed grew!!!!
    I think babies are so much more a sign of commitement than marriage…a baby is for life,these days marriage is not.

    • 10th May 2013 / 7:22 pm

      Seriously?? I hate that about society, I really do! And yes, babies are much more work than marriage 😉 xx

  5. 10th May 2013 / 4:39 pm

    Wow, I’m really surprised at those responses in these so- called modern times! I wonder what else they think?!

    • 10th May 2013 / 7:22 pm

      Indeed – I thought the same! xx

  6. 10th May 2013 / 5:38 pm

    My brother isn’t married, but has been with his partner for 11 years, and they have a little boy, my nephew, who is the same age as my son. My family (Catholic) are constantly hassling him about when he is going to marry her and “make things right”. It’s all a bit silly really, because a piece of paper (he is not religious) isn’t going to make them more committed, or make them more of a family. In reality, for them, it would just be a name change.

    • 10th May 2013 / 7:24 pm

      Exactly – the rules we’re governed by are so silly sometimes xx

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