We’re now six weeks into the Newborn Haze, and I think it’s fair to say we’re in pretty deep… I’m getting on average three hours sleep per night, my boobs are massive milk-making machines, and I seem to spend most of my time feeding a very hungry baby on the sofa!
Here are the ten signs you’re also in deep (welcome to the club!):
1. You enter a land where sleeping in two hour intervals is considered acceptable. And on some occasions it’s even considered a “good night”, after five days in a row of only sleeping for thirty minutes at a time.
2. You haven’t the foggiest idea what day of the week it is. You’re often surprised to see the Husband dressing in his work clothes on a Saturday morning, only to be told it’s actually Wednesday.
3. You frequently find yourself losing track of what you were saying. Or doing. “Why did I go into the fridge again?”
4. You went in the fridge to retrieve the house keys you put in there when you got home… Objects end up in the oddest of places, and sadly you can’t blame the Toddler for this one.
5. Talking of the Toddler… There have been a handful of times where you may have almost forgotten to pick her up from Nursery. Almost.
6. Your diet mainly consists of the three food groups:
7. Your conversations usually revolve around three topics: poo, your boobs and sleep. Mostly because a) you’re too exhausted to stretch your mind and b) nothing else happened today. Even at the dinner table you find yourself discussing nappy contents and consistency… or how long your child spent noshing away on your mammary glands today, while your soul quietly mourns your past life and you pour yourself a second glass of wine.
8. Your phone is FULL of pictures of your newborn. I mean so full that you’ve even deleted your Pinterest app to make more space. And they’re all of your baby in the same pose, just different outfits. Because he’s too cute.
9. On the rare occasion you do actually manage to leave the house before sunset, you spend your time in public with either tooth paste in your hair, sick down your dress or poo on your trousers… Or all of the above.
10. Hours are lost just staring and marvelling at your beautiful new baby. And you’re completely fine with that… Although… wait… oh sh*t, you forgot the Toddler again!