Poem // The Germ Factory (aka Soft Play)

My poem today is inspired by the horrendous cold that H-Bear and I picked up at Soft Play last week (which I’m currently suffering with right now). Apparently even industrial grade alcohol gel can’t stop this one… 

Poem Soft Play

A weeks worth of weather-checking
And late night meditation,
You agree to the plans
With trepidation.

Topping up the echinacea,
Packing the alcohol gel.
You make your way
To Soft Play Hell.

Now, don’t get me wrong,
I (mostly) LOVE Soft Play.
If I had a choice,
I’d stay there all day.

I’m the mum who takes part;
The one looking like a tit!
The climbing, the slides,
The tunnels and ball pit.

Not only is it
Tremendously fun –
It’s a huge reason why
I became a mum!

But one thing I hate,
The one thing I can’t stand,
Are the germs
That linger all over my hands.

When a child coughs on the ladder,
I find myself glaring.
Then mine puts his hand on that spot,
And I’m despairing.

Because I know that in exactly
Two-to-three days time,
I’m going to be covered in
Toddler snot and slime.

Could I secretly take
A pack of Flash Wipes inside?
And wipe the germ-ridden path
To the super fast slide…

Turn off the heating?!
Sterilise every hour!
Give everyone that enters
A Steri-Spray shower! (I know, too far…)

I know I should relax.
It’s all a part of Parenthood.
But you don’t get this sick
Spending the day in a wood.

Admittedly, the woods
Don’t have coffee or ball pits,
But you can get your thrills
Looking for blue tits…

Anyway, I digress;
It’s all good in the long run –
Just think of their immunity
Once childhood is done.

And to be honest,
It can’t really be that bad…
We’re going back again next week.
Yup. It’s official. I’m mad.


Follow me:  Instagram // Twitter // Facebook // YouTube // Pinterest // BlogLovin’ 


  1. 16th January 2017 / 7:48 pm

    You have such a talent for writing, I love your poems! Ah soft play.. I think I’m heading to the hell hole this week.. xx

    • Hannah
      16th January 2017 / 10:08 pm

      Thank you so much Emily!

      Eek! Good luck! We’re off again next week… with a bucket of alcohol gel! xx

  2. 17th January 2017 / 1:52 pm

    haha this is brilliant. I do have such a love / hate relationship with soft play – one of the reasons is they germs!

  3. 18th January 2017 / 6:10 am

    Ha ha! I think soft play always seems like a good idea until you get there. It’s a bit like childbirth!!

  4. Kerry Norris
    18th January 2017 / 11:24 pm

    Haha this is brilliant and somes up my relationship with soft play to a t x

  5. 19th January 2017 / 7:51 pm

    Haha! I never thought about it like that!!! I won’t look at another soft play the same again!!!

  6. 19th January 2017 / 8:44 pm

    Aw, I wish we could go on a soft play date with our littles as I’m one of those mums who take part too. (We seem to be few and far between.) I definitely try not to think about the germs too much though… and any other ‘stuff’ that’s lurking in the ball pit. *shudders*

  7. 24th January 2017 / 10:41 am

    Impressive. I am crap when it comes to poems. Didn’t like them in school either but I am tipping my hat to people who are able to write them from scratch. Creche is another germ factory.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Proud member of…

mumsnet BritMums - Leading the Conversation