Monday 19th February 2018
It’s month one of trying to conceive (TTC) after losing our baby in autumn last year and my period is due tomorrow.
I took a test today, out of curiosity more than anything as I don’t usually test positive until around day 5 of a missed period, and it was negative. Which was to be expected. I long for the day when I see two lines appear.
When you add all the months together, we’ve been on this journey for over a year – with 12 weeks of being pregnant in the middle. I know it’s not a long time compared to so many people, but it feels like an eternity.
I’ve ordered a tub of strip tests from Amazon which should arrive on Wednesday, so I can keep testing without it breaking the bank!
Do I feel pregnant? I don’t know. I’ve had awful insomnia for the past week, which is usually my first indication of pregnancy, but then it’s entirely possible that it’s a symptom of my anxiety/longing to be pregnant. I really feel like I can’t trust my body anymore, so it’s a waiting game.
Tuesday 20th February 2018
My period is due today and there’s no sign of it yet. I’ve had a few dull aches in my womb area and lower back, which could indicate both pregnancy and my period arriving! I had awful cramps in the first few weeks of H-Bear’s pregnancy, so the hope is still there.
TTC is a mindfield… I’m trying not to overthink things or get excited, but equally how awesome would it be to hold that positive test in my hands? Although, I know how much of a journey it is between getting a positive test and having an actual baby in your arms…
Wednesday 21st February 2018
The tests are here! I had a negative result first thing this morning, but my period hasn’t arrived yet (I’m now a day late). I’m trying so hard not to get my hopes up, as I was three days late last month.
Friday 23rd February 2018
Another negative test today and a little bit of discharge (sexy), so I think my period is probably on the way.
Saturday 24th February 2018
My period started this afternoon. I’m off out for cocktails with some mum friends this evening, so at least I can have a drink to commiserate… Feeling completely gutted though. I was three days late last month and five days late this month – what is going on?
Saturday 3rd March 2018
I had the most glorious facial with my hypnobirthing teacher from H-Bear’s pregnancy this afternoon. Afterwards we had a good chat about fertility hypnotherapy and I’ve just signed up to start 1-to-1 classes with her. Hynobirthing completely transformed my birth with H-Bear, so I really feel like this is going to be a step in the right direction. I already feel so much more positive about everything.
I know I have a few mental hurdles to conquer when it comes to getting pregnant. A big one is not believing I will be able to get pregnant past 30 (hello endometriosis). Also, since the miscarriage last year I don’t trust my body at all, so I need to work on believing in myself again. I can’t wait to get started.
Lots of people have also recommended trying acupuncture, so I’m trying to find a local practitioner for this.
Oooh, I’m actually feeling quite excited about this all again – rather than a huge bag of tension. Keeping everything crossed.