Motherhood // The Fourth Trimester

This post was originally published on my Instagram account (@makedoandpush) on 13th January 2019.

The Fourth Trimester

Exhausted.
Swollen.
Sore.
Full of love.
Adrenaline.
Oxytocin.
Cracked nipples.
Belly like jelly.
Giant pants.
Blood.
Leaky boobs.
Pads everywhere.
Stitches.
You smell incredible. I do not.
Sour milk.
Washing. Sterilising. Building.
Pumping.
Nappy after nappy after nappy.
1am.
2am.
3am.
4am.
5am.
Oops, ‘order confirmation’. What did I order?!
Coffee. Tea. Google: ‘caffeine IV drip’.
Tubs of mini flapjacks. Cake.
Conversation streams lost halfway through: “What was I saying again?”
Relentless.
Struggling.
Despair.
Crying.
Intense happiness.
Joy. So much joy.
Kettle on. Again. And again. And again.
Boxsets. CBeebies. Endless CBeebies.
“Why won’t you poo?”
Bath.
Bicycle legs.
Tummy massage.
Poo celebration texts.
“Why won’t you stop pooing?!”
First smiles. Wind?
Tears. Wind?
Won’t settle. Wind?
Clothes that don’t fit properly.
A body that isn’t how I remember.
Stretch marks.
Totally worth it.
I grew you. I birthed you.
I feed you. I nurture you.
I am so lucky.
Absolutely knackered.
But so utterly in love with you.

Hannah

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