Pregnancy // The End of the Road (A Poem)

Well here we are
At the end of the road
And I’ve got to be honest,
Time has slowed.
The last few weeks
Have dragged on by,
Unlike the rest of pregnancy,
Where the months did fly.
But now that I’ve reached
The full-term mark,
I’m waiting and waiting,
For this birth-giving lark…
I’m tired now,
Well, totally shattered,
Each day is a slog,
I feel bruised and battered.
Each cramp or ache,
Every tiny twinge,
Is over-analysed,
And makes me whinge.
People have suggested,
Ways and means,
To get baby out,
It’s easy… it seems!
“Have a good bonk!”
Said one jolly friend,
But, as large as a whale,
I’m not sure which way to bend!
“A hot curry full of spices,”
Suggested another mate,
But my stomach is so squished,
I can’t finish the plate!
“A turkey baster and semen!”
Cried another helpful soul,
I’m not sure I’d go so far,
To stick cookware up that hole…
“A large gin and tonic,”
Finally! On the right path!
A drunken labour?
Sounds like a… laugh? (Maybe not)
“An ice cold glass,
Of finest champagne,
In a hot bubble bath,”
I wouldn’t complain!
“Bounce up and down,
Rotate those hips,”
Sensible suggestions,
And welcome tips.
I know this baby,
Will arrive in his own time,
And after months of growing,
Our first meeting will be sublime.
I can’t wait to squish,
His little hands and feet,
And smooch his tiny head,
Full of love, I shall greet.
I don’t know when he’ll arrive,
I’m not sure what time of day,
I can’t predict his weight or size,
I just know I’ll shout “Hooray!”
“Hooray! Here is my baby!
My precious bundle of love!
Welcome into our family,
You fit just like a glove.”
Hannah