āOne Tuesday afternoon, the warm sun came out and POP! out of his Mama came a tiny and very hungry Baby. He started to look for some food.ā
As soon as HRH entered the world, he lifted his teeny head and looked for my breastā¦ and not much has changed since that day two weeks ago.
Establishing breastfeeding hasnāt been easy (is it ever?):
- Weāve had an inexperienced and miseducated Paediatric Registrar questioning my supply during an emergency hospital visit on day two/three. HRH had a rash and a temperature, and had been awake most of the night very fractious. He had marginally low blood sugar levels, so we were forced to give him formula because (as they wrote in my notes) my āsupply was inadequateāā¦ In actual fact, my milk hadnāt come in yet. I was producing plenty of colostrum, but not one of the health professionals listened to me; they thought they knew better. We almost discharged ourselves, as we were so angry with their lack of knowledge in regards to newborn babies and milk production.
- Iāve suffered from severe bleeding nipples againā¦
- ā¦But this has been rectified by an amazingly observant and on-the-ball Student Midwife who noticed that HRH had tongue-tie. We were back in hospital that afternoon and, following an examination by a Senior Midwife, he was diagnosed with 80% tongue-tie and a frenotomy was performed there and then! Since then his latch has been fantastic, and I feel like weāve made it through the proverbial breastfeeding wall.
Itās been quite the breastfeeding rollercoaster thus far.
I have times when I love it; the knowledge that Iām providing my offspring with all the food and nutrients he needs ā and that Iām the one making that milk ā fills me with immense pride. When he de-latches, utterly milk drunk with milk dribbling down his chin I feel a swell of joy, love and subliminal contentment.
Iām enjoying the bond weāre forming as Mother and Son, and I feel like Iām in-tune with him. He doesnāt have to cry in the night to ask for a feed as he did initially ā he shuffles his head into my chin and nuzzles me until I wake up, as if he knows that Iām not so great with loud, immediate wake-up calls and that the gentler approach is far better!
His total dependence on me is also really rather lovely.
But that total dependence also has a downside, and I do have moments (usually at about 2am after being woken up after only an hour or so of sleep) where I want to say to Nick āThatās it! No more! Iām stopping breastfeeding! Letās give him a bottle so we can share feeds because Iām too tired to be awake and feeding for another two hours!ā
There have been some tears ā mostly when at my most sleep deprived during an epic cluster feeding day ā where Iāve sobbed that I donāt know whether itās worth continuing, whether itās really and truly worth being constantly suckled and drained. Bottle feeding hasnāt harmed Busby; sheās an intelligent and healthy little girl, so why continue?
And then thereās my relationship with Busby, which has already beenĀ hugely affected by breastfeeding. Sheās used to me being there for her 24/7, and although I knew that would change, I feel like I canāt really be there for her at all whilst HRH is munching away. Iām hoping this will get easier with time, but if Nick hadnāt been here for the past two weeks, Iām not sure how I would have coped with a demanding Baby and a demanding Toddler! Sheās not one for sitting still and watching televisionā¦ and thereās a reason heās lovingly nicknamed āBreast Limpetā at the moment!
This being said, I am more determined to succeed this time round;Ā I only managed to feed Busby exclusively for 10 days, so to have reached two weeks with HRH feels like a real achievement. Iām not ready to pack it all in yet!
Iāve felt so much more prepared with HRH:
- A completely natural, relaxed birth and increased skin-to-skin has helped immensely.Ā I couldnāt have asked for a better birth; it was totally relaxed, I felt in control and I listened to my body. HRH was straight on my chest and stayed there for an hour ā he had latched on within 15 minutes of arriving! Neither of us had any drugs in our systems to confuse or stun us, and Iāve felt so much more comfortable with skin-to-skin this time round.
- Iāve been better equipped mentally to deal with breastfeeding. I knew that it wouldnāt be easy to establish ā that it would take work, determination and persistence. I also knew that latching on would hurt initially, but that it passes in time.
- Iāve been better equipped with breastfeeding paraphernalia.Ā Iāve felt so fortunate to be working with Medela this time round, as theyāve supplied me with a fantastic breastfeeding kit! Their Purelanā¢100 nipple cream has been an absolute dream, and Iāve found itās healed and soothed my sore nipples much quicker than other nipple creams.Iāve been using the Medela electronic Swing breast pumpĀ almost daily to increase my supply, and siphon off any milk prior to HRH latching on if Iāve felt engorged. Iād definitely recommend an electronic breastpump to any Mamas wishing to breastfeed. I also prepared myself by buying nipple shields this time round; a friend once told me that if a Midwife hadnāt covertly handed her nipple shields in the early days of breastfeeding with her son then she wouldnāt have continued due to pain ā and she breastfed for over six months, so I knew I had to have a pair. They were a godsend a number of times before HRHās frenotomy!
- Iāve had infinitelyĀ better support.Ā The East Yorkshire Community Midwifery Team have been absolutely amazing with breastfeeding support. It has been consistent (Iāve seen the same Midwife each time) and encouraging, without feeling pushy. Nick has also been terrific ā as he completely understands how heartbroken I was when breastfeeding didnāt work out with Busby ā and he has been so supportive, keeps a great supply of cake and food coming my wayā¦ and makes the best chai tea latte!
Iām incredibly proud of myself for getting this far, and I really hope that I can continue for many more weeks/months to come.
Hannah
Ps. The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed something on HRHās shoulder in the first imageā¦ that would be a piece of my breastfeeding fodder ā breastfeeding makes you super ravenous!!! Nothing but images of real life on this blog! Oops!
Ā
You are doing wonderfully lovely and your hormones will still be settling (and peaking!) so the highs and lows will continue for a bit. Well done for getting through the breast feeding wall. It is by no means easy and when youāre absolutely exhausted i remember it can feel torturous sometimes. He looks so content and happy and the way he wakes you up is just lovely xx
Itās like reading about my own story! Even down to having an amazing supportive husband, I too was do upset I couldnāt do it with Tia. I only managed a few days and then expressed daily for a few weeks and topped her up with my milk.
Michael didnāt have a tongue tie love him but he did point blank refuse my right boob for the first five days causing me huge engorgement. Then I got mastitis in my left boob! But itās been over three weeks now and still going strong and Iām stupidly proud of myself as you should be yourself.
Iām sorry you had to put up with stupid uneducated people in the early days. Itās no wonder do many new mums feel like failures. Xx
You are doing a great job! Thank you for sharing your story. My little one was born with tongue in December and I feel extremely blessed to have found an supportive Lactation Consultant and Tongue Tie Practitioner. I have combined feeding with both my children so I do have the flexibility of a bottle (expressing in beginning days). The changes in my relationship with daughter ( āBig Sisterā) was what caused me to cry the most at the beginning days. I promise that it gets easier around 12 weeks. My baby boy is 7 months and I have forgotten the early days of lack of sleep. Try to cherish these early days because they go so quickly. xoxo
Youāre doing so very, very well. I remember the boob limpet days and they are not easy at all. Every day you manage to continue is a huge achievement and you should feel proud of yourself! Cake rewards also help, definitely š x
People who judge mothers for breastfeeding or not breastfeeding really ought to read more accounts like this. Iāve not yet tried to breastfeed, but itās clear that itās a rollercoaster and is not always easy and it takes huge perseverance and dedication to get through the initial stages.
It sounds as though you are doing amazingly well lovely. Keep eating that cake and best of luck xxx
Loved this honest and real post all about breastfeeding. I breastfed both of mine for 11 and 15 months respectively and I loved it so much, but I can honestly say it was the hardest thing I have ever done. There were times, in the night and also during the day when I felt like my body just wasnāt my own- that was suffocating at times. Plus in the beginning there were horrific rounds of mastitis, bleeding nipples, ouch, I wince at the memory of it. But it was wonderful and now neither of them need me like that anymore I do miss it at times. And I miss big boobs haha! š x
I only managed 2 days EBF with Gwenn. Although we continued breastfeeding for 10 months, it always felt like Iād not done it āproperlyā, which is probably silly because I was producing milk from my boobs so yeah, I was breastfeeding. I learned so much first time that Iād like to think ānext timeā would be easier in as much as Iād know what to expect. xx
Well done student midwife! So glad they spotted something that has made your breastfeeding journey much easier. Iām really considering the medela pump is breastfeeding is successful for us, it looks amazing xx
Great post. Youāve done so well to get to 2 weeks, it certainly doesnāt sound like itās been easy. Bleeding nipples-ouch! And Iām shocked that a specialist childrenās doctor knows so little about breastfeeding.
I loved that little milk drunk face and feeling proud that I was nourishing my boy. I hope that Iāll be able to do it again if Iām lucky enough to have a second child, but the challenges of breastfeeding when you have a demanding toddler worry me!
Looking forward to hearing how you get on. Xx
It sounds like you are doing an amazing job, despite the difficulties youāve had in the first few weeks. Iām really hoping breastfeeding is more successful for us this time around too - with Toby I ended up combination feeding from about day 3 on the recommendation of a midwife and eventually switched to full time bottle feeding at about 6 weeks. Things were complicated for us by Tobyās reflux and an undiagnosed lip tie but I think we could have managed to maintain breastfeeding for longer if Iād had more support. Fingers crossed for this time, and you keep up the good work (and cake!)
Keep going Mama, youāre doing a brilliant job. It will get easier, I promise, especially after about 6 weeks. When we had our second I put together a feeding bag for my eldest. A snack, a drink, a funky straw, some colouring books and a couple of little toys that Iād swap in and out. When baby needed feeding, out would come the bag. Also when you grab your water and snack when the baby cries, grab some books too. Reading and feeding was the best activity for us.
Oh he is adorable! Iām so sorry you had a shaky start- why arenāt doctors trained on the basics of breastfeeding??! Glad you overcame it all and that the tongue tie was picked up quickly. Can you believe that we waited until Elsie was 10 weeks before hers was snipped??!
Thanks so much for linking up to #maternitymatters xx x
Yeah, the early days can be so challenging. So glad they figured out your tongue tie and sorted it out really quickly ā¦ what relief! Shame about the ignorance you faced though. Please pass on your experience to your local MSLC (Maternity Service Liaison Committee) so that they can take up the issue and address it, to improve the service for other mums.
Well done for your perseverance with the cluster feeds; they really can be very disheartening ā¦ and the sleep deprivation; I donāt know how we cope. Then to add dealing with a toddler to that! Youāre doing great.
So lovely that itās working out better this time and that you have quality support! #MaternityMatters